"Returned to Life" prompted by a post on the nature of fetish

I love Dan Savage. His sex advice is funny, politically correct, but above all, no bullshit. His philosophy of "good, giving, and game" (I'll find the cite sometime) is, I think, a fine place for a couple to being exploring their interests, especially if their interests don't magically line up perfectly. Anyway, I read the following and didn't want to lose it, so here it is:

From his December 7th column:

To a woman, regarding her boyfriend's fantasy, he writes (and I've edited out the reference to the fantasy itself, since I think they're irrelevant and his analysis of fantasy and fetish is so rigth on regardless of the fantasy or fetish...

...your boyfriend wants it. ... But he doesn't wanna want it and wishes it would go away. And it does go away, just like magic, immediately after he comes. Unfortunately, it comes roaring back as soon as he's horny again.

Where did his .... fetish come from? Like many fetishes, his ... thing is most likely a subconscious, erotic response to a sexually charged fear. While most of us learn to live with and occasionally conquer our fears without eroticizing them, a number of us respond to sexual fears or traumas by incorporating them into our erotic imaginations. Think of women—hip, together, progressive, feminist women—who act out rape fantasies; think of homos—hip, together, out homos—who dress up like soldiers, cops, firemen, and other stereotypically violent homophobes.

Women fear rape, yet some develop a fetish for it. Gay men fear violent homophobes, yet some dress up like violent homophobes...

Oh yeah, I've been gone for a while. At some point, maybe I'll write the "narrative continuity" post, but right now I'm a little busy. And who knows, maybe I'll clean up the links on the right AND talk about why I think submissive male blogs come and go... wait, is that what this is? - better think about that too...