Friday, April 01, 2011

Learning from Other Blogs

Some notes on a couple of blog posts.

Ms. Marie has taken a certain amount of heat (irony intended) for making her "sissy" wade around in an icy stream in order to get rights to indulge in his fishing passion. I've always been amazed at how vehement posters can be in reply to some posts. Jeez, if you don't agree with them, go rant on your own blog. The chances that someone is going to read your comment, and then have a blinding flash of insight, and say "Oh my God, I shouldn't have done that," those chances are slim-to-none. Even more so when you're "anonymous." (Ms. Marie addressed this issue in her post It's Come to This. I used to ignore those comments, but this one got me to thinking about "Why?"

Everything we do involves risk - driving in cars, skiing, hiking, walking down urban streets, taking the subway, you name it. But we accept those risks because we get some return from them; they're worth it. But if someone elses activity that you're reading about totally is not worth it to you, but the risks are obvious, then the trade off doesn't make any sense. Hence the vehement comments. But "tubeviewerFm81" (no public profile) put it pretty well,, and at much greater length, and in detail that I mostly agree with. It's when commenters (including tubeviewFm81 in this case) find it necessary to judge ("Oh my, that was too far... but the rest of the blog is hot!"), that's when I find myself puzzled.

Oddly, despite calling him "Sissy," I don't find much "Sissy" about Ms. Marie's husband. Forced cross-dressing, yes. Humiliation, maybe. Being used for her pleasure, certainly. But on Forever Hers, "Mistress" (who seems to write most/all of the posts, despite the "about" over on the right side), seems to delight in making her husband, who she refers to as "dee," act like someone's vision of a drag queen. There's similar forced feminization, but humiliation as well (which, for me, can be kind of a turn-on some times, depending on how it's done).

But her most recent post, It's a Girl!! was the first kinky post I've read in a a long long time that went too far for me. Notice that I'm not over there posting, "Oh my God, how could you do that to him?" in the comments. But the idea of infantilizing him when (from the way she writes it), it's clearly not his thing, was horrifying to me. My strong reaction made me wonder two things: 1) Why? and 2) is this how my beloved felt or feels about what I need?

Why was that so horrifying to me? I still don't have a complete answer, other than that my mind and self-possession and maturity have always been deep-down fundamental to my self-image and my concept of who I am. It would be stripping away from me at the deepest level, that which I value about myself. Yet "dee" went along. Was he as horrified as I? Should I admire his submission? Should I admire "Mistress" for being willing to strip "dee" back to the very beginning ("square one") and recreate him in the image that she desires? Intellectually, it makes sense. But emotionally, that would a totally hard limit for me. If it were that, or walk out of the relationship, I'm pretty sure I'd walk.

More interestingly to me, is this how my beloved felt about my kink? I know that intellectually she can wrap her brain around it. But emotionally was it as horrifying for her as this post was for me? Even if she didn't have such a strong reaction, I think I have a better idea of how she feels. It's so easy, when you're in to kink, to look at someone else's kink and go "Well, that's not me, but I can see how that could be hot." That I can *not* do that about someone's kink, surprises me. And makes me understand, I guess, how my Beloved, with all the love and best will in the world, can *not* do that about my kink.

Which, of course, makes it all the more amazing and admirable and gratitude-inducing that she's chosen to come on this voyage with me. I don't know who's leading right now. I certainly need this much more than her. And I' still trying to figure out how to provide enough value to her that she won't want to stop. But as long as she's willing to continue, I'll be incredibly grateful and awed by her "Good, Giving, and Game" (to quote Dan Savage).

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