A 50+ year old married guy explores how he might come to terms with wanting a "wife-led marriage" and what that might mean.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Yesterday we changed the rules
We discussed the reasons for changing them at some length, but suffice it to say that what we had had atrophied to the point where my beloved was unsure of what to do when my behavior floated from the norms we had set. To take a specific example, I was rubbing her legs and feet, and when I was done, I stopped. I had said that I would never stop until she told me it was okay, but this came at the end of a long period of not doing anything service oriented and I lacked the discipline to relax on to it and be who and what she had the right to expect me to be. Since so little had been going on, she was surprised and unsure what to expect/demand.
As to why so little had been going on, external circumstances notwithstanding (and I should read the history to find out if those have been a factor in our pauses in the past), I almost titled this post "Not thinking about sex is better than thinking about no sex." This seems to be my reaction to longer term denial, whether it's in the context of enforced chastity or crazy circumstances. Either way, it decreases my ability to stay focused on my beloved, and things spiral down hill from there.
As a simple corrective to that, I'm now required to stimulate myself as close to orgasm as possible once a day, and, out loud, thank my beloved for controlling my orgasms, then thank her in person or by text.
There are lot of other aspects to our new arrangement, perhaps too many to be put in to place all at once. But it boils down to one transaction: I will do all of these things, some to help keep me in the right head space and some because they serve my beloved. All I ask in return is something fairly difficult from her, which I think she's agreed to try: She will care about these things as much as she can.