Since our conversation, I've tried to be particularly attentive to her oblique requests and suggestions. Tiny things, like "what would it take to do that bathroom project" (that has been sitting around for six months). Being mindful of "As you wish" and "My pleasure." Those are still hard and I'm far from perfect at them.
There have been a couple of fun things recently. I was crashing on a project at work and needed her to do something on my home computer in order to finish it. She hates my home computer password and IM'ed back: "Please change your password to something I can remember." "As you wish..." "Like xxxx" "As you wish..."
So now every time I sign on to my computer, I get to type the password she assigned me. For those of us in need of reenforcement, that's very satisfying.
There have been other opportunities to serve as well. Yesterday was pretty much all projects she had in mind, including an early wake-up to get kids to where they were going, laundry, a long-deferred home improvement project, and, late in the day, an "I'm going to run an errand. Come with me." That was satisfying.
Along the way in there I asked her to remove the gold chain I wear so I could relieve some sexual tension myself, and she told me when she wanted it back on. Later, she changed her mind and told me she wanted to replace the chain far earlier than she had originally said. I commented on this to make sure I hadn't misunderstood originally, and she said, "I know, I changed my mind." That was encouraging.
Earlier on in the week she allowed me to give her a foot rub after we had our bed-time talk. That was really fun, especially as she was relaxing in to sleep as I did so, and I was pretty tired. Following up on one other blogger's experience (AAT?), I took the liberty of planting one kiss on each foot when she told me I could "wrap up."
I also suggested removing her rather elderly toenail polish one morning this week, which she allowed me to do. Great fun there.
So overall, on a day to day basis, I guess things are encouraging. I'm certainly still trying to achieve a balance between what I need in terms of reenforcement. And I'm still searching for a little more feedback from my beloved as to what works for her.
It's also interesting to understand what I give up in this arrangement - the little things perhaps more interesting than the big things. I special-ordered a video from our local video store this week. I didn't ask my beloved about this, and so have never had time to watch the video. It's not that she said, "No", it's that there have been too many other things for me to do for her. If we had planned this together, it would have been something she wanted to do, or we wouldn't have done it. And we/she would have made time for us to see it together. But since it was my project, it just didn't happen.
Frankly, right now, I probably could have said, "I'd like to watch this movie" and she would have said, "Fine." Which I would find discouraging. So, on the "Never ask a question you don't want to know the answer to", theory, I just didn't ask.
4 days ago