Wednesday, September 03, 2008

What Says, "Submission"?

Yesterday, I

* Made the coffee
* Did a couple of loads of laundry (sorted, washed, hung to dry, folded)
* Got a car problem checked out
* Did the grocery shopping
* Cooked dinner (quite the gourmet meal, I might add...)
* Took care of the animals
* Worked on the bill paying
* Gave my beloved a back- and foot-massage

I didn't

* Check that her wallet had money in it
* Finish doing the dishes
* Turn on her light in the evening
* Set out her vitamins
* Find and set her handbag where it belongs.

Did she care? I don't know.

Did I enjoy it? Sort of. I hate paying bills and I suspect I do it more slowly than she does, which I suspect she finds frustrating. Back-rubs are a discipline because I get to do them so seldom that I'm not sure I'm good at them. Feet, no problem.

Did she enjoy the time I freed up? Not really, I don't think. She's not one to loll about, although I think she's getting better at deciding to plop down and read a book when she wants to. But last night she used it to work.

Was there any overt indication that I was doing this for any reason other than the "dutiful husband?" No.

Over on, Her Knight talks about being required to exercise "Active Submission" - being proactive in doing the things he thinks his Princess might enjoy. She, on the other hand, has included among the things she enjoys, little pieces of dialog like "My Princess, may I wear a tie for you today?" And I get the impression from his blog that there are other moments like this through the day that explicitly acknowledge the power dynamic of their relationship.

I crave that kind of dialog.

It's been interesting identifying the kinds of things that say "I am in control; you have submitted to me" to various men in FLRs. A quick list (in no particular order), would be

* Orgasm control
* Cross-dressing
* Wearing women's underwear
* Doing domestic chores

There seem to be men who focus more or less strongly on one or more of these. But for me, it is the simple acknowledgment that she is in control. I crave bits of dialog like "You'd like to come right now, but you can't unless I allow you." Or "I'm going to go watch a video, enjoy cleaning the kitchen." Or "Are you tired? You know you can't go to bed until I'm ready." Or anything else that explicitly says that she's in control. Having figured this out, I guess we'll have to talk about it.

She doesn't make this easy - her "demands" are couched so subtly. I know that this is a character thing, and I'm not going to try to change it, but it does make it more difficult. It's easy to forget a "I guess it's about time to change the sheets" unless I explicitly rewrite it in my head to "You have to change the sheets tomorrow." But if I'm doing the rewriting, to what extent is this any different from all the years I just fantasized about stuff. To what extent are *we* doing something, and to what extent am I just being explicitly allowed to live a little fantasy.

Scary thought. More food for conversation.

P.S. A post-trip update needed just to catch up to where we are; that's yet to come. And no, I didn't indulge in any of the fantasies in my last post. But I was on the road, and that's what they were, fantasies.

1 comment:

whatevershesays said...


Yup. So very important. Good luck and good blog.