Monday, September 29, 2008

What Would Be Different If...

I think somewhere back in this blog, I mentioned an insightful question my beloved asked me many years ago when we were poking around the issues of my submission. She asked, "How would today have been different if you had been my slave" (the terminology we were using at the time. I was stymied for an answer.

Today was one of those days. So far, today, it's hard for me to say what would have been different. One little interaction on IM, which I closed with an "As you wish" instead of "Sure, be right there." A little interaction over dinner as to who was eating what. And perhaps just a moment ago when I offered her a taste of what I had been cooking and she ate almost all of it. That latter being perhaps the only sign from her.

Yes, I did a couple of things I might otherwise not have done - laundry, chores - but nothing that a considerate spouse shouldn't have done, though he mightn't have.

Another vivid dream last night, which I've put off writing about long enough that I don't remember it clearly. My ex-sister-in-law, who is gay, mentioned something about "those of use who are secure in our sexuality" and looked pointedly at me and said, "and I'm including you in that group..." and we had a positive discussion (in the dream), which I don't remember. But the affect of the whole thing was very positive, which for me is a really important way I assess dreams.

Last night due to kid homework, we got to bed very late, so she just patted my side of the bed and said, "It's late, why don't you come to bed." It is her prerogative not to be in to this on any given evening. But I woke in the morning jonesing for something submissive. So by no choice of our own, it's not my prerogative not to want it - I'm stuck with it. Nothing to be done for that, though.

Busy week to come, we'll see how it evolves.

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