I Want...

"M", over on "Submitting to Her", wrote a post on his wife "P"'s ordering dinner for them. It clearly was an intense moment for him, and he reflected on it.

He said, in so many words:

I want her to get so used to...
I want her to realize...
I want her to never consider...
I want her to demand...

This is what I find so difficult about this kind of relationship. Is it about what I want? Or about what she wants? Or about what I want her to want?

And there's nothing wrong with it being about what I want, except that this is so at odds with the outer form of the relationship - her being in charge, my doing what she wants.

It's why I've found this kind of relationship so confusing in my own life. Perhaps for "M" and "P", she does want all these things, and his expressing his wants is just a way for them to communicate about them, and achieve some kind of "shared language" around what they both want. (From some of her earlier posts, it certainly seems like this could be true.)

But for some of us, where it's pretty clear that what my beloved wants is for this all to "go away", I don't know how to resolve the dynamic.

...

And, "Yes", I will explain the hiatus. When I have a minute...