Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Quick Update on Many Changes

I've felt bad leaving a somewhat negative post at the top of the blog for so long.

But the quick update is that life is changing as my beloved takes control. I think we're in the process of discovering or building something that is going to work for us. I worry that all this is is "work" for my beloved, but I'm hoping either that's a misplaced worry, or we'll rearrange things so it's not true.

Right now, we're apart for a week, which makes it a little difficult to work this in to our "typical everyday life," since in every day life we're together.

I asked for permission to buy a month at House of Gord, and she allowed me to - a first for me! First time I've ever spent money on porn. Many thanks due to my beloved!

I try to stay out of her hair so she can have a good vacation with the family.

She left me a "honey do" list (which is more in the way of orders) for a few things that need to be done around the house. This helps me feel that I'm actually being useful for her. And every once in a while, she swoops in to my life with an order to do something, like "go to bed now" or "For the rest of the evening, kneel if you're using the computer." These help me feel connected to her and keep my sense of being controlled very alive.

We are very much a work in progress, and I suppose success is far from assured. But we're working together, and 35 years of experience tells me that when we do that, we get some place good.

Thank you, my beloved.


Weave said...

I'm hoping for the 'discussion' and changes you're experiencing now... love the 'kneel while using the computer' btw! :)

Jamie said...

Thanks. For the purposes of salacious reading, it would be handy if there had been the moment where she had "called me in a told me how our life was going to work" or some such. And though that's many people's fantasy (and had been mine for many years), that's not how our real life works.

We talk. We look for the way forward, we agree to try things, and we change them if they don't work.

So the "discussion" is really all in the "What we Talked About Last Night" post.

I seem to need little touches that affirm her interest in me and our connection, and reassure me that she isn't disgusted by the mental dynamic. "Kneel while using the computer" was one of those.

Once our arrangement is a little more stable, perhaps I'll ask my beloved if I can post it.