Thursday, September 28, 2006

Crazy Busy and Unsettled

...or caged by circumstance. I'm on a few too many community boards, minorly involved in a theatre production which takes a fair amount of free time for about 2 weekends, and sick enough to have effectively "lost" last night to sleeping and recovering. But a quick update because I think things are freshest if written sooner rather than later.

Our little experiment with the "chastity necklace" is working out well, I think. It was 10 days ago or so that my beloved last put it on, and we had a great discussion about how it should work - our first frank discussion about sex and approaching even this small bit of kink in a long time. Needless to say, when I wasn't in community meetings last week, I felt a little like a kid with a new toy. But, trying to be honest about it, I decided to wait until I wanted relief, not just to "test the system."

And lo and behold, Saturday morning ended up with a very pleasant romp in the hay in which it pleased her to have me inside her, and relief was not an issue. As I often do, I apologized for makeing that part of the event so brief, for I find, as Candace has noted, that longer intervals lead to less staying power. She said, "That's just icing on the cake, the main event is already long over." Which I obviously knew, but wasn't sure of the relative importance of the two parts of the event. I still like it that my being inside her happens when it pleases her; I'll have to remember to thank her for that if the opportunity arises and emphasize how much I like it that way.

It did occur to me that if I didn't get relief while we were having our romp, I could have immediately asked her to take the necklace off me, and that didn't seem right. I'm wondering if we can add a 24-hours-after-she-cums-and-I-don't piece to this arrangement. But no urgency on that (I think).

Wednesday morning, between not feeling well and being a little stressed, I thought some relief might be in order, so I asked her to take off the necklace. I had no expectations of what she might say; I knew she'd say "Yes" (I know her that well), but didn't know if she'd be peeved, not want to provide a time to put it back on and so have me use the dice, provide some long amount of time, or what. To my surprise, she said, "Bring this back to me after you shower." Well, that was pretty explicit. So I did. That worked out well!

I'm still mulling over the contents of Ms. Rika's site - I've written and discarded at least one post on it. In one sense, I wonder if her site is a Domme's version of the sub's "do me" fantasy - Originally, I was wondering what was in it for the sub. On the theory that this has to be a relationship (and I appreciate her emphasis on that) there has to be something in it for both people. And there is, as she writes it, but only implicitly.

Which brings up the whole "Is submission a quid pro quo?" question. A big one for later.

Also have been musing on the depths of submission, and what it means. When I'm mindful of it, I find myself deferring to my beloved far more than I used to, and I think that makes things work well around our house - no big news there, as that seems to be part of the point of an "loving female authority" or "Venus on Top" kind of relationship. More on that later too.

Finally, thinking a lot about the "female superior" versus different-but-equal (assymetry) models of men and women relating in relationships that deal explicitly with power. Thanks to Saratoga (or rather, I guess, a friend of his) pointing out that either we're not dealing with "power exchange" here, or the term needs to be defined carefully. More on that latter as well.

The point of all this "more on that later" business is that all these threads have kept me from posting anything, and I wanted to break the log-jam. So we'l get to that stuff, but life and this peculiar experiment go on.


saratoga said...

I don't think of "FemSuperior" 'vs' "different-but-equal." Rather, I find an ability for them to co-exist in my mind and emotions, either, and others, ebbing and flowing at various times in our FemDom relationship.

Some aspects or activities employ ore require a more 'different-but-equal' dynamic for us. Others are clearly "FemSuperior."

It's rarely 100% of either, or any, dynamic. For us, anyway.


strongnsubmissive said...

Don't all relationships have to be "quid pro quo" in order for them to be successful? The concept of D/s from the outside looking in will always appear one sided to those not in "the know" i'm guessing. Ms Rika likes to tote the line "It's not what the Domme does to the sub, but what the sub does FOR the Domme" and i certainly don't mind that viewpoint, however if the Domme doesn't reciprocate much needed feelings back to the submissive by perhaps in some way validating his submission by making it clear it's a need of her own, then i doubt the relationship will last at all. I'd say "quid pro quo" is alive and well in D/s relationships even if it's not visible to the vanilla eye. As human beings we all have needs and i don't think that makes me a bad submissive man to admit.