When my beloved is out of town, things get a little hectic around here, doing the day job, keeping the home business running, and getting two teenagers to all their committments.
Right before she left, we were in the middle of a little vignette about painting her toe-nails, something I dearly dearly love to do, and have had the opportunity to do only a handful of times in the last 24 or so years. In fact, I was surprised when a year or so ago when she started painting her toenails - influence of my sister-in-law, I think.
That worked out both better and worse than I might have hoped. What happened was that I realized that we just had time to get to a historical event I knew my son would like, so I suggested that we go. That meant we probably wouldn't be home by the time my beloved had to leave on her business trip. So we said our goodbyes, and as I was driving down the road, I did a dope-slap and realized that the opportunity for my little toe-nail adventure was gone. No regrets there - my priorities are firmly in place and my kids come way before my little personal dramas.
Before we left, I tried just a little intimacy - a hug in the kitchen while life was going on, with a very subtle subtext of "you're leaving for three days and what am I going to do for intimacy." At least that's how I interpreted her interpretation of my body-language. And what I got back I interpreted as a slightly exasperated "please leave your fantasies out of this and get a life." So while we were out, to the extent that I thought about this at all (which wasn't much except during the boring parts of the drive), I was pretty discouraged.
In the event, we came back before she had left, and amid all the pleasantries, she remarked that she was glad we had, since the leave-taking seemed a little odd as we left for our event. I noticed that she had done her toenails, and remarked that I was sorry I hadn't been able to help out. She said something to the effect of the fact that there will be another opportunity.
It sounds almost pathetic to me, but that qualifies as a small victory: the idea of me doing something for her is not totally out of the question. I know it's all mood-dependent (hers and mine) and that mine is not so hot right now, but I hope it's a step in the right direction.
4 days ago