I really try not to be a brat. I know I don't have to go over the ground about how stupid and self-centered it is to provoke the woman in your life just so that you can know that she is "in charge."
But I am far far from perfect. The other day there was a 25 pound bag of feed that needed to be moved to the animal shed. It was easy to construe things such that I didn't have time to move it, and I didn't. But later that night as she was on her way out the door, she said, "Oh, and I haven't seen to the animals yet." I looked at the work room and noticed that she'd moved it. I said, "Sorry I didn't get to moving the feed." She said, "Don't beat yourself up about it."
My beloved is wonderful. My beloved wants me to come to terms with the life and the commitments I've made and the time we really have to do things. My beloved wants to be supportive.
What I can't figure out how to say, is Do you care about this? Does it make any difference whether I do stuff or not?
I did a double-take - she did, after all, use the word "beat..." But she clarified: "You've got to find a way to do what you can and not beat yourself up about the stuff you can't do." Which is, it is true, a theme in my life, but not one which I want expressed in this context, frankly. But it really did make it clear how she feels about it.
4 days ago