Friday, May 16, 2008

Settling In

I'm finding the differences in living in an acknowledged FLR to be interesting, even if not dramatic. My favorite difference so far is my desire to do things for her, which results in listening very carefully and making it a priority to follow up. This is kind of difficult with my beloved, who's response to any issue is not to comment on it, but to just do something about it.

But as she was on her way out the door last night, she noticed a lot of mail and papers stacking up and said, "The mail's a little out of control here," as she picked some of it up and dealt with it. Fortunately, she couldn't deal with all of it, and by the time she got make, I'd made the paper disappear. I think she was surprised; it was an off-hand comment, but the kind that I'm trying to listen very carefully to.

I offered a backrub last night (casually) but she said, "I don't want to do that every night, it wouldn't be special any more." I did say, "It doesn't have to be special, you know." A message I'll try to reiterate tonight.

Aside from that, her agenda sets my evening tasks, and I'm OK with that. I refer to my list of things and make sure that they're taken care of. Occasionally, she'll get to one before me, and I have to just let go of that. Often I can come back to what ever it was and finish it up.

I found this New York Times article on two spiritual teachers who have decided never to be separated to be weirdly relevant in one or two ways, mostly about ego and how relationships that acknowledge power and control issues can help investigate it.

We'll see what the weekend brings. Overall, I'd like the opportunity to do more for her, but life also has its way of intervening.

I'm in the process of trying to reschedule a business trip - in all honesty, partly because I don't want to have just started this and then have to abandon it for two weeks. But the unexpected benefit may be that she can come with me for a week of that. That would be fun.

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