Sunday, May 04, 2008


Enough with the long posts - I keep the stuff rolling around in my head until it turns in to a huge manifesto - not useful. So, a new resolve to post when the though occurs, and these tidbits:

  • My beloved was out gardening, her favorite thing. I thought I might score the treat of washing her feet when she came in for a shower, but she came in an "crashed" instead. I read on the couch beside her until I realized I wanted to go for a run. I told her I'd love to take a shower with her when I got back. When I got back I feared she had taken a shower without me, which would certainly have been her prerogative, but would have implicitly said she had denied me my treat. But she hadn't; she'd returned to gardening and now we're off to shower.

  • Some days ago we were busy doing stuff in the evenings when one of our kids turned on a movie. Rather than continuing to work (as is her wont), she said, "You know, I don't have to work all the time. I'm going to watch the movie." I said "Keep that thought!" But it is indicative of her attitude towards always being useful doing stuff, which I fear will make this "service submission" idea difficult.

  • I'm really trying to phrase things as "Can I do X" rather than "Would you like me to do X". I believe that words are important and phrasing it as what I would like to do makes it clear for whom we're doing this, and removes the onus from her of having to, even implicitly, ask me to do something.

  • I'm also trying to thank her for letting me do stuff. I just got to wash her back, her feet, and shave her legs. Do I feel lucky or what? "Thanks" and "I love you" were my two responses.

  • I'm getting better at taking the "Could you...." or "If you remember, you could ..." suggestions as mandates. Knowing my beloved as I do, she's never going to be the "Get me a cup of tea now" type person. So it's important to listen to what she wants in the way that she is comfortable saying it.

1 comment:

Ms RIka said...

OK...small steps!

Since she's not the type to enjoy sitting around and doing nothing, don't try to make her do so! Your approach is falling into her rhythm and that's what's important. So asking 'May I do this for you' is the right approach. Assuming you've had the conversation and agreement on power exchange.

Another approach is: 'I was thinking it would be easier for you if I [...] may I?' followed, after you completed the task to her liking asking, 'I was thinking I could automatically do [...] for you as a routine. Is it ok with you if I make this a routine?'
Assuming what you chose to do is truly FOR her and that she liked that you did it and that you did it well...she has a good chance of saying 'yes', knowing she's living up to her side of the power exchange agreement - and doing so in about as easy a way possible.

Then have a repeating service you can perform for that she understand EXACTLY why you're doing it - and one which she most likely will, over time, come to expect from you.

Keep adding those to your repetoire and you'll soon be a very busy little slave-boy :)

- Rika.