- My beloved was out gardening, her favorite thing. I thought I might score the treat of washing her feet when she came in for a shower, but she came in an "crashed" instead. I read on the couch beside her until I realized I wanted to go for a run. I told her I'd love to take a shower with her when I got back. When I got back I feared she had taken a shower without me, which would certainly have been her prerogative, but would have implicitly said she had denied me my treat. But she hadn't; she'd returned to gardening and now we're off to shower.
- Some days ago we were busy doing stuff in the evenings when one of our kids turned on a movie. Rather than continuing to work (as is her wont), she said, "You know, I don't have to work all the time. I'm going to watch the movie." I said "Keep that thought!" But it is indicative of her attitude towards always being useful doing stuff, which I fear will make this "service submission" idea difficult.
- I'm really trying to phrase things as "Can I do X" rather than "Would you like me to do X". I believe that words are important and phrasing it as what I would like to do makes it clear for whom we're doing this, and removes the onus from her of having to, even implicitly, ask me to do something.
- I'm also trying to thank her for letting me do stuff. I just got to wash her back, her feet, and shave her legs. Do I feel lucky or what? "Thanks" and "I love you" were my two responses.
- I'm getting better at taking the "Could you...." or "If you remember, you could ..." suggestions as mandates. Knowing my beloved as I do, she's never going to be the "Get me a cup of tea now" type person. So it's important to listen to what she wants in the way that she is comfortable saying it.
PSA: How I beat the Twitter shadowban
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