Saturday, May 17, 2008

Small Satisfying Surprises

We were out listening to Jazz Friday night and there were chairs but no tables. I rather quickly ended up holding her cappuccino cup for her. That was satisfying - and I'm pretty sure it was intentional.

I had intended to ask her how it was going on Sunday night, but she surprised me by asking me Saturday morning. I was sort of non-plussed and not ready for the discussion, but I allowed as how it was working for me. More importantly, I said, "Is this not annoying you and does it have some positive aspects." She thought for a second and said, "Well, the house is looking pretty good." So I guess that qualifies as success.

Later in the day, something wonderful (if tiny) happened. We were talking about who-knows-what, and the subject of Vitamins came up. She recalled that she never remembers to take her vitamins, and suggested, "You could put that out on my toothbrush in the evenings." That was pretty satisfying. At least I remembered last night. What was most satisfying is that in the context of a completely non-relationship non-kink non-sex related discussion, she realized that this dynamic could come in to play. Very heartening.

I also mentioned that I had been trying to be very attentive to her "suggestions" and making sure they got done. Given my beloved's character, I think (and I told her this) that saying that may have been a mistake because she's likely to become hyper-critical of herself for suggesting things knowing that I'll actually do them. I'm hoping she'll forget the self-criticism part and must expect things to happen.

She did make an off-hand suggestion about the detail mowing around the yard, which became my first priority Saturday. She also ended up with some help gardening from me after the rest of the mowing, which I hope she found satisfying. I enjoyed it only in as much as it was what she wanted.

This is all very very mundane stuff, but I guess is the stuff of which real life is made, so that makes it satisfying.

I'm hoping I have the attention and fortitude to keep doing these things. I have faith that these little things will grow. And I'm contemplating how this is changing the dynamic of our relationship, mainly in ways that I find satisfying - I hope my beloved does as well.

Finally, I'm realizing that I'm not very good at some of this mundane stuff - getting the laundry done in the midst of getting everything else done as well. Suddenly about half of fd's experiences in Her Househusband's Life are beginning to feel very relevant. Unfortunately, it's the housework part, but all in good time.

1 comment:

s said...


I really like this blog because of posts like this. It is the mundane things in life which occupy most of our time. I completely relate to your satisfaction with your wife asserting herself in that respect. Assigning you the task of managing her vitamins is a perfect example. While you're at it, you might try putting the toothpaste on her toothbrush for her. And don't forget her water cup!

As we've all noted: It's the little things that make all the difference in the world to guys like us.