I don't remember the reference, but it's to how to proceed, and in this case, it's apt.
Ms. Rika's advice, though hard to hear, is by-and-large, on the mark.
My beloved arrived home last night, and in the hurly burly of life with kids, not a word by her or me about books or relationships. I did see the book appear on my side of the nightstand. And I enjoyed helping her out with her luggage.
We did a little snuggling in bed, very much in the way things go at night, when she decides how much intimacy she wants - in this case we were both (I think) too tired. So it was just pleasant. She's remarked that sometimes when she can't sleep, she wonders, "Will a little sex help me relax and sleep" and if so, she gets some. I love it, but as I said, I think last night, lassitude won out.
This morning in the hurly burly of getting kids (and husband) out the door she said, "Rub my shoulder right here; it hurts, I think I did something to it." So I did while all sorts of other conversations swirled around. Nothing unusual about that in our house, and I'd have asked her to do the same if the situation was reversed. Except that I swear she would have said "Could you please ..." in the past.
I would never never ask her for that kind of syntactic distinction; as I said, it drives her nuts (at least I think it does). But my little heart did go pitter-pat when she said it, and it was very fun.
We just had lunch, and at the end of a long pleasant w
alk about town, I said, "Can we set a time to talk about 'this, book and all?'" I said something about needing to know that it was going to happen, by which I meant the conversation, but she interpreted as moving ahead on some version of submission. I only realized this when I interpreted her response, which was "If it wasn't going to happen, I'd have told you by now." "Oh, I thought, you meant some arrangement." So I said, "I just need to know the conversation is going to happen some time, so if we can set a time, that would set my mind at ease." In the end, we didn't set a time, but I think the conversation is going to happen (though not tonight - she has one of her few "fun" night-out commitments (at least it's fun most of the time...))
PSA: How I beat the Twitter shadowban
16 hours ago